my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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