well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
