we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
