I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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