I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
