Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
