census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
