Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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