I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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