There is too much vodka and too much dick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
