The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
