College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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