Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
