apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
