yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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