This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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