no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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