The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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