we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
