1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
