I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize