Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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