You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize