I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
