Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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