I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
