OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
