He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
