I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
