Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
