Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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