you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
