windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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