my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
