please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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