Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
