singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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