SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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