I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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