Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
