Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
