so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize