I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i drank out of a bidet.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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