I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
