Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
