just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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