All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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