I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
