Can i not drive my cunt home
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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