Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
