there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
