I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
