I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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