Swine flu. Run for my life!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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