Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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