If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
