so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
