Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
