So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
