hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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