the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
