dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
