You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize