I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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