I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
