your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
