1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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