I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
