i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize