Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh god it's open bar.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
