maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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