how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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