in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
