Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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