girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
