The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
