U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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