i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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