dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
