No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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