last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
