I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
