I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We got so high we made milksteak
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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