i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
