you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
