and she was petting her beer can
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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