It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
