I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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